Are you the hamster or the thrill seeker?
Wow…. loads of things have evolved since I last blogged. I will admit; I’m embarrassed that I’ve ignored this personal aspect of my business and my life…my blog. I have zero excuses (and chances are that those of you reading this had not noticed at all). But I tend to my business the same as I do my family, but we all occasionally drop the ball.
Most of you know, we have been settled in to our new location for about 6 months. It’s been WONDERFUL! I have so much more space and it is much quieter. Of course, there are many things still to be completed and tidied up (such as my landscaping), but I must tell myself to be patient and chill out.
In my infinite mind, I imagined moving here and everything would suddenly fall right in to its perfect place. One guess how that turned out… Although my precious son did move to Norman for college this fall, and my laundry lessened somewhat, I still have an angel daughter that is a sophomore and is involved to the jugular in extra-curricular activities. I still have a husband and a home to keep up (yes, both of course are upkeep, right?), and now my business is busier than ever. Of course, I’m not grumbling because these are all absolute blessings. I’m just not sure why I still feel like a hamster on a wheel.
My mother in-law gave me some amazing advice once. She said to me, “Enjoy the chaos.” She is right, and I do try, I really do, but keeping the mindset of “enjoying the chaos” is about as easy as enjoying childbirth. I mean, you know it’s a fleeting moment, and every second is one that is gone, and it’s the best time of your life. You just don’t know it yet, and after it’s over, you’ll wish you had savored it more. Although it’s arduous, I try to keep it in the front of my brain. Come on Edie, ENJOY THE CHAOS.
I’m also ashamed to admit that I feel like I’m running in placed so much of the time. Like, am I going anywhere? Have I not done the exact same thing every day for a month h and I still feel like I’m in the dang same spot. It’s like watching my mortgage disappear. It takes forever to see progression. Am I failing? Am I a good wife and mom? Am I good friend, daughter, etc.? My house is a mess. My laundry is in piles. My car could feed a herd of rats, and my body thinks “gym” is the name of some person. It’s not that I’m complacent. I’m moving and working constantly, but I feel like a hamster on a wheel. I look around and everyone else seems to have it down to a fine art and I’m still finger painting. I will be 45 on Friday. Why, I ask, am I still only finger-painting and running on a damn hamster wheel?
About a year ago, a new client came to my clinic. She was a girl about my age (it’s a thing with me, if you are in my inner or outer circle, you will be known as a “girl” when you’re 80) and she was beautiful, very sweet, and we immediately bonded over our hair extensions. Yes, our hair extensions. Sometimes ratty, sometimes neatly beach waved, sometimes straight, but always well down the middle of our backs. A couple of months ago, I gave my extensions a rest in the bathroom cabinet and decided to chop off the rest of my locks and sport something short just for fun.
This girl became a loyal client, and someone I always looked forward to seeing. Funny how you bond over bleached blonde extensions, right? However, God doesn’t make mistakes and coincidences don’t exist as far as I’m concerned.
Several weeks, she came in and was surprised I had lost my long hair. I told my friend, “no worries, it’ll be back before long. I’ve had numerous people tell me how much better I look with short hair, how it makes me look more my age, and compliments me so much better.” She laughed and agreed that EVERYONE thinks we’ve outgrown a mane, but we both love it anyway. I told her when she saw me next, I would most likely have my long blonde hair back, and again we would be twins. Neither of us really cared what anyone thought about our hair. We keep it long because WE love it.
This past weekend I learned my loyal client, sister of messy hair extensions, beautiful soul, earned her heavenly wings. She and I never knew each other outside of my practice, we never hung out, we didn’t really trade secrets, we simply existed in each other’s life.
What I’m about to say next is so cliché and I hope you don’t stop reading.
How preposterous we humans are, especially us women. I sincerely hope that the next time I make a complaint about my hamster-on-a-wheel life, that my best friend knocks me straight out of my hamster-swagger.
Yes, every time we all hear of tragedy, we vow to see the rainbows, pet the puppies, and smell the roses. This goes on for about a week or so, then we crawl back on that wheel.
I don’t want to get on that wheel again. I know my life goes around and around, but I want more than a hamster wheel. If I’m going to go 9-0 all the time, I want it to be on a roller coaster. I want to feel my tummy flip. I want the anticipation of climbing that hill to be dropped down the other side. I want to go upside down. I want sea legs for the rest of the day! It’s just a choice. Smoke and mirrors.
If you’re still reading, make a girl-pact with me. Let’s ride a roller coaster. Let’s not waste away our days on a hamster wheel.
I read something awhile back that really struck a chord with me:
Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, ordinary, life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful. (L.R. Knost)
No one actually wins “Mom of the Year”, laundry is never-ending for all of us, heartbreak is a rite of passage, clean cars are overrated, homes are meant to be lived in, and anyone who claims to have it all together, all the time, is lying. The truth is we only get one shot. I don’t want to look back and only see the wheel beneath me, and the world outside of my cage.
Let’s ride a rollercoaster. Both hands up.
Rest in peace, friend. I’m sure your hair looks amazing with that halo.
Edie Price R.N.
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