A Love Letter
In keeping with the tradition of love on February 14th, I’ve been thinking a lot about loving someone that deserves the best of me, someone that has been with me since the beginning. I have to admit something . . . I haven’t always treated this person the best. I have lied, cheated, ignored, berated, humiliated, abused, and manipulated this person. Feelings have been hurt, and there have been many disappointments in my relationship with this person that I do indeed love. I’ve had to do a lot of growing up to learn to appreciate this person in my life and value my tie with this individual that has stood by me since day one.
I love me. I wish I could go back and tell me so many things. I wish I could wipe my tears and tell my 18 year old self, “You got this. You are smart enough. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are going to be okay. You failed? So what? Learn from this and MOVE ONE. I love you and I value you.”
My dad once told me that a person doesn’t know much about life until you turn 50. At 44, I’m six years away from figuring a lot of this out. You know who has been with me for the entire ride? Me. So at 44, I want to take the time to go back and tell the younger me and others out there like her, what I wish I would’ve known then. This may seem cliché, and we’ve all seen it done or sung about, the “message to my younger self”, but I haven’t reached out to her and done it myself. I choose to do it today. I owe that to Her. I really do.
16 year old Edie:
You don't think you’re not pretty enough. News flash! You are still just a kid. I know you don’t think you are, but you are. You are still growing and developing. Let me tell you a secret. There are other people that think you are pretty and wish they looked like you. And, just because someone else is pretty, doesn’t mean that you’re not.
He hasn’t called? Who cares! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT GOING TO MARRY HIM and someday you’ll be so glad you didn’t. At this point in life, you don’t need him or any guy for that matter. He will just get you in trouble. I promise.
Smile at yourself every morning. Embrace the freckles and the youth that will never be as good as it is today. You are so beautiful. You have the world by the tail.
Trust me when I say, your best years are ahead of you.
20 year old Edie:
You’re a grown up now. I know you are in such a hurry to embark on life, build a family, and be independent and free. Step on the breaks. Now. You really are still a kid in some fashion, so don’t make irrational choices. It’s kind of like not operating machinery while on medication. Please just stop. Sit quietly for a moment and ponder what makes your days happy. What do you enjoy in life? Find a career that allows you to go to a job every day that you love. You will spend more time at work than with your family. A lifetime is a long time to have a job you hate. Figure it out. Take your time. Put in the work it takes to get you there. Then enjoy it . . . forever.
Another guy? Just hang on. He MAY be the one, or he MAY not. If he is, he will hang around. You’ve got at least 8-10 years to decide on this. I know that sounds an alarm within your heart, but you have to enjoy this phase of life before it is gone. Having a family too soon effectively halts these fun twenties. Definitely grow up and be responsible, but don’t take life too serious just yet.
Trust me when I say, your best years are ahead of you.
30 year old Edie:
I told you those twenties would fly. Aren’t you glad you listened? Aren’t you satisfied now that you lived a little bit poor, bought a plane ticket to some awesome places, got lost, got found, still wore your tiny cutoffs but also bought a nice suit? Now you have your family! You did really well. I know you are starting to feel the age and your body isn’t the same, but you are more beautiful now than you have ever been. Those lines tell stories and you’ve had some great times.
You found the right guy. Aren’t you glad you listened? And those kids aren’t always a piece of cake to raise, but you really are doing great. They are lucky to have a mom like you. Be patient with them, but give them boundaries. The sleepless nights with sick babies and long days playing the same game and reading the same book will be a memory before you know it. Enjoy every second. Let them sleep with you another night. Soon, you will wait for them to come home.
Trust me when I say, a lot of your best years are still ahead of you.
40 year old Edie:
Okay, so you’ve changed careers mid-stream. I am so proud of you for having the guts to take the leap. I admire you and no matter what, you will be just fine. You are so intelligent and you have thought this out . . . you are going to kill it. And look at you now! Looking way better with your curvy self at 40 than you looked at 20. You are still quite tense about everything your facing: a new, full time career/business, running your kid around and supporting their wild dreams as well as your own, making ends meet even though it seems impossible every month (Lights haven’t went out yet, have they?), managing your marriage, and keeping the sanity (most of the time). Relax. Not one day has beaten you yet. Please make a little time for yourself. Really, Edie, it’s okay to be Edie. You have to be you before you can be a good wife, mom, and friend. I am as proud of you as I was 10 years ago. Please don’t ever dread one day. Embrace them all. You are about to set things on fire.
Trust me when I say, a lot of your best years are still ahead of you.
44 year old me:
I know you still have arduous days, but most of the time you are on top of your game. I love to see you embracing the game every day and looking challenge dead on. You are finally getting it. Life is a journey. Remember what Dad said to us? You’ll finally know something at 50!
I am impressed with you. I love you your new found patience, excitement, and eternal optimism. I know you don’t feel A+ every day, but I love the way you shrug it off and prepare for tomorrow. Remember what you thought about at 20 when you thought of the word “rich”? I love the way you define it differently today. You have a lot to be proud of. I pulled up a picture of you at 30 and I have to tell ya . . . you look way more beautiful today. Happy Valentine’s Day. I love you.
You’ve had some amazing years, but trust me when I say; there are a lot more ahead. Only you have the power over a bad day. You are peaking right on time.
Everyone reading this. . .take the time today to write a love letter to yourself. Your inner YOU is your biggest fan. Be loyal to YOU and say the things that the kid in you always needed to hear.
Edie Price RN
You are altogether beautiful, my love. There is not a flaw in you. Song of Solomon 4:7